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max and steve (2)I think I might’ve been a daddy’s girl given the chance. I have always liked hanging out with the guys over gossiping with the girls. I never met my father. I know nothing about him. When I was young it took me a while to realize that was unusual. As I learned about the families of my friends and saw that they all had dads it struck me that I was missing something. I know I told some lies when I was little, saying my father had died was so much easier than saying I knew nothing of him.

My mom had a serious relationship when I was young, he was good to me and despite my initial reluctance to let him into our little family, I grew to love him. I recall a day we visited the zoo, just the three of us, I remember feeling like a family. I remember carrying an old red leather purse, holding their hands, and feeling whole. That relationship ended and that feeling was lost too.

My mom did a fine job raising me on her own. I dare say I turned out okay. But sometimes it still hurts a little. Father’s Day. My grandpa walking me down the aisle. My son asking why he only has one grandpa. And every single form that asks for my parents’ names. A relationship with a Heavenly Father has restored that feeling of wholeness, but every once in a while the sad little girl in me returns.

I’m blessed with a husband I adore. He came with a father-in-law who loves his family and has given me a glimpse of having a father. Despite the fact that his love won’t be shown in affection or affirmed with words, he is a good man who would do anything for any of us. IMG_2954 (2)

So on Father’s Day I miss someone I never knew and mourn for a relationship I never had. But more than that, so much more than that, I thank my lucky stars for the man I married and the father I’ve watched him become. Our son has a complete loving family, which seems so basic and simple, but it is something many don’t get. From him, our son will learn what it is to be a good man. He will learn work ethic and silliness. He will see how to treat women with respect. He will learn how to be a loving dad himself someday.  He will take it all for granted of course, because it is his normal. And for that I’m grateful beyond words.

To the fatherless like me, do the world a favor and beat the odds. Be the man or marry the man you’d wished for.  I know you are missing something you never had, I get that, but don’t let that missing piece cause you to be less than you deserve. You are amazing. You are whole.

~M


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