For us, the anxious souls who don’t slip into newness with ease, first days are met with dread rather than anticipation. The worst case scenario seems entirely possible. Leaving our comfort zone is physically painful.
We toss and turn, we are exhausted but rest eludes us. Our bodies eventually give way to sleep only to awake to the realization it can’t be put off any longer. It is time. The first day is upon us.
We know we’ll most likely be fine. But we can’t focus on the logical outcome. The what-ifs shout loudly and the reassurances only whisper. Our heart beats too fast, our palms are too hot, our tears flow too easily. It all feels like too much.
Don’t for a minute mistake us for being weak, don’t you dare. We are the brave ones. We will ourselves to walk onto school buses, into classrooms, to job interviews, and first dates. We swallow hard and fight for deep breaths, we bottle up our doubts and fears, and we find our way forward, even though…
It isn’t easy. It isn’t how we want to be. We wish it were different, sometimes we even wish we were different.
To everyone who finds first days hard, to every mama whose child finds first days hard, remember you will get through it, day two will be easier, you will be stronger, day three uneventful, day four you’ll rediscover your swagger, day five you’ll wonder why you ever worried. You’ve got this.
You do. You may have to fight your way through first days but you’ll prove yourself braver than you realized time and time again. You are strengthened in the struggle. And please don’t wish to be someone else. The world needs feelers, thinkers, and quiet ones, just as it needs those who run ahead without a care.
Don’t let the doubts that swirl on day one cloud your vision the rest of the days. Those doubts don’t deserve residency, they are just passing through. Those doubts don’t define you. You are amazing. Give yourself grace and know you’re never alone.